As I grew up, I felt I was at a disadvantage because of my social anxiety. Now I realize that this is not a disadvantage, this is who I am. Sure, I may cry when I feel overwhelmed during a stressful conversation with someone with whom I am not close. Sure, I may stumble over my words and make awkward jokes that are not funny. This is how my mind is structured and there is not much I can do to significantly alter this. I am socially awkward and tend to internalize my interactions. Everyone experiences that moment after a conversation when they realize exactly what they should have said. I have these moments during conversation, yet my thoughts remain paralyzed in my head. When I am too scared to talk to others, my thoughts express the ideas and are free to wander in any direction without fear of rejection. This aspect of my personality comes with the consequence of never growing out of my daydreaming phase. I find myself living one life in society and a completely different life in the world I have created for myself in my mind. Watching others participate with complete ease in the rituals of human interaction, I have often wondered why I am so different. This obsession has led me to not only become lost in a maze of thoughts, but also contemplate how that maze became constructed in the first place.
I create a physical manifestation of my own thought process. These structures are a blend of geometric and organic shapes creating an almost living architecture. These structures become the dwelling place for my thoughts, contorting and twisting like my own mind. At some points the forms appear to pinch into themselves, almost as if choking, while at other times they appear bloated like a can full of botulism. At times these structures balance precariously, connected by the smallest shreds of material. Though they appear uninhabitable and unwieldy, these structures are the physical representation of a safe house for my thoughts. In the structures no judgments are made, no questions are asked. They are allowed to grow and manifest as they will.